:D

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

This chinese new year isnt going on so well. spent 2/3 of my allowance in 10 days. what am i going to do for the next 20 days! ZOMG SAVE ME. YES YES. cny is here so there'll be ang pao. But i will promise myself to only open the angpaos after the 15th day. So traditional right!!! & also save 100% of my angpao money so... to say...i'll still be be broke until the rest of the month.

Chinese new year here once again. Some love hate relationship. I love angpaos, gathering, seeing people you that you may only see once a year, mahjong, and oranges. Its a damn chinese feeling for me luh. just feel very happy about it. BUT bloody balls. Guess who's here?

AND... Here comes my relatives! Its the time of the year for COMPARISONS. hate it fucking hate it. Being in a neighbourhood school doesnt mean i'm dumb, being in poly doesnt mean i'm not clever. Its just because i choose not to go to JC. The word is NOT TO. i choose not to.

I wanted to dye my hair ash brown. But it goes back to comparisons and questions and questions from them. JUST my hair colour makes me think so much so you can see that how much this thing have impacted me. Although simple, yet very scheming. I may seem the not-so-smart-from-YOU-ALL but i'm sure i understand the true meaning behind a simple question. hmm for example... "have you eaten?" ha-ha. scheming aint you. Trying to start a little conversation with me.

I may be being paronoid. EVEN if that was not the case. I still have this low-self esteem in me for not being so clever FROM YOUNG where constant comparision is the case. I swear i've been living in world where whenever the night before cny, i have nightmares about people pointing and mocking at me. People just can't stop comparing others against me. Maybe not compare but take somebody else as a role model, study hard like them. bloody shit balls. I dont give a damn. I dont go for class, i use up all my absent chances, i take MC's when i feel like it, i dont study but still go for the test, and sometimes i really dread studying. SO WHAT. I'm like that. Stop asking me to follow XXX to study, to go to university and stuff. I dont freaking give a damn. I love to skip classes and to not study. & my role model is... lets see. My role model is.. SOPHIA ANG. i strive to be as slack as her. AHHAHAHAHAH

& to add on, clever aint the proper term. It is BOOK SMART. YES. book smart and clever is 2 different things. ok. Somehow similiar, but if you think enough IT IS NOT.

Hate being compared to "cleverer" people. So what if they are clever. Does that make you cleverer? NO. it doesnt! keeping comments to yourself is however, VERY CLEVER.

Anyway, off topic, but i thought i had really forgotten. But it turns out i didnt and the your presence still kinda scares me. GOD KNOWS WHY.

Written @ 1:07 AM